Your alarm goes off and even though you really don’t want to get up, you know
everyone’s day will go better if you get up and have a few things ready before the rest of
the family gets up.
This applies to my friends who are homeschooling, too. If you are the
first one up, take a minute or two to step outside and listen to the birds chirping and
watch the sunrise or enjoy just being in the morning light. There’s something about the
rest of the family sleeping and the house being quiet that gives you a little time to set
the tone for your day, too.
Those extra five to seven minutes can help keep you from rushing and telling everyone
to “hurry,” so that the kids can catch the bus or everyone can be in the car to be
dropped off. What is it about the word “hurry” that increases your breathing, and you
can feel your pulse beating faster?
Those few extra minutes aren't about creating a picture perfect morning. They';re about giving yourself enough margin that everyone doesn't have to start the day in a rush.
What part of your morning consistently creates stress, and could one small
rhythm help?
Getting Up With Enough Margin
When a few things are prepared the night before, it helps keep the focus in the morning
on eating breakfast and getting ready. The pace can be more relaxed, helping everyone
ease into their day.
If you work outside the home or have early calls from your home
office, you might find it helpful to get yourself dressed and ready, too. You know what
works best for your family and what you need.
Breakfast
If it works for your family, eating breakfast together can help everyone prepare for the
day. If there are schedule changes during or after school, sharing them with your family
during breakfast can help everyone know what to expect for the day. Establishing a
calm rhythm at breakfast creates a slower pace and helps those who need a little more
time waking up.
Once you can see that the family is almost finished eating, you can ask a simple
question, such as, “What needs to happen before we leave?” This allows your children
to think about the things that they each need to do to walk out the door. In the
beginning, providing guidance will be helpful until everyone gets into the rhythm of what
they need to do during the school week.
For homeschool families, adjust the question above to something like, “What needs to
happen before we begin our lessons?” It helps each child know they can prepare for
schoolwork to begin.
Coming Home: Create a Transition
Whether you pick your children up from school, they take the bus, or you homeschool,
coming home is another transition in the day. Having a light snack and some water can
help children shift from school mode to being home.
For some children, the transition may be simple. Others may need 15–20 minutes to
decompress before they're ready for the next thing. One child may need physical activity
and time outside, while another may need to sit quietly for a few minutes. You know
your children best, so pay attention to what helps each child settle into being home.
Depending on your child's mood after school, it can also be helpful to give them some
space before asking how their day went. They may still be processing what happened
and need time before they're ready to talk. When they are ready to share, listening can
be a wonderful gift. Instead of jumping in with a solution, you might simply ask, “What
was the best part of your day?” or “Was there anything you would like to change?”
Once your child has had time to transition, a simple cue can help them know what
comes next. You might give a five minute reminder before it's time to begin homework,
leave for an activity, or start the next part of the afternoon. Over time, these predictable
cues can become part of your family's rhythm.
Evening Rhythms — Help Everyone Wind Down
Just like coming home from school, returning home after an activity or practice can be
another transition for your child. If they were at sports practice, this might be a good
time for a shower or bath before dinner. Having them do something that is a little more
calming, like reading books, coloring or building a puzzle, can help them move into
dinner time with ease. They can also help set the table, or if you like, have them help by
packing lunches for the next day.
After dinner, you can begin putting the house into “winding down mode” by turning off
overhead lights and using lamps instead. This is a subtle way of letting their bodies
know, it’s about time to go to bed. The goal isn't to make everyone go to bed at the
same time every night. It's to begin signaling that the active part of the day is coming to
an end.
A family rhythm isn't about making every evening look the same. It's about creating
familiar patterns that help everyone know what comes next.
Weekly Family Rhythms — Look Ahead Together
Maybe once a week, take 10–15 minutes to look at the upcoming week. This might
happen on a Sunday afternoon or at dinner during the week. You’ll know what time will
work best for you and your family.
Looking ahead helps children know what to expect in the week to come, such as who has activities, when a child has a game, or when the family will be going together. Knowing in advance which nights will be busy can also
help you prepare a simple dinner in the crockpot or quickly heat up leftovers.
When our son had a baseball game, his sisters brought their homework or a book to
read. We did the same for our son when his sisters had swimming practice. This helped
keep them from waiting until we got home and then having to do homework late.
It didn't always work, so sometimes we had to get creative with everyone's time. The goal
wasn't to make everything work perfectly. It was to find ways to make busy days a little
easier for everyone.
When you are looking at the upcoming week, see if there is anything that can be
removed from the calendar, so that the week or weekend isn’t jam packed. Having down
time or doing something together as a family is important, too.
Family rhythms aren't only about getting things done. They're also about creating
predictable moments of connection.
Create a Rhythm of Connection
What might a rhythm of connection look like in your family?
A rhythm might be:
Friday night pizza
A Sunday afternoon walk
Family breakfast on Saturday
Reading together before bed
A weekly family check in
One on one time with each child when possible
You don't have to change your entire family's schedule. Choose one part of your day
that feels unnecessarily difficult and ask yourself:
What simple rhythm could make this a little easier?
You don't have to create a whole new routine. Start with one rhythm that could make
your family's day feel a little easier.
My Calm Home Wellness Guide offers simple ideas to help you create a calmer, more supportive home.
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